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I’m very big and very round,
and really rather wide.
For that’s the shell that I have built
the real me for to hide.
Well not only as a shell I guess.
There’s more to it than that.
Several reasons all combine.
Combine to make me fat.
An inner ugliness i’ve felt.
The unworthiness I had.
A worthlessness so hard to lose,
when you see yourself as ‘bad’.
For shell’s aren’t only shells you know.
They’re living statements made
Commentaries on what’s within.
On self-worth so decayed.
Well not for everyone, I know.
There can be other reasons too.
But that’s the truth about my shell.
And perhaps the truth for you?
Designed to hide me, keep you out.
To keep the world at bay.
So many see me, even come and talk,
But don’t touch, then walk away.
That it must change this I know,
And downsizing’s all the rage.
And after all, this shell I’ve built,
has now become a cage.
A cage that holds, imprisons me.
A fatal hindrance too.
So I must fight to alter it.
And live my life anew.
The fight is hard, I cannot lie.
Still I struggle to achieve.
To see that I am worth the fight.
In my own self-worth believe.
An yet i’ll try, as best I can.
Facing hurdles large and sure.
To live the life that’s best for me.
This race I must endure.
©Kevin A. Deane/Deep From Within 2012
All rights reserved.
I sat at St. Columcille’s Hospital today, waiting for my regular appointment with the Weight Management Team and due to transport logistics I was there a few hours early. So as I sat I decided to write this poem about my morbid obesity.