He Sits – The Wall

He Sits - The Wall

He sits,

the window before him.

A doorway to a million thoughts,

thoughts that waltz in the music,

Music of a million, million memories.

-o-

Then come the names,

names that appear on his screen.

Names that once brought comfort and support,

love and understanding.

Names of his children?

-o-

Then came the change.

The loss of the trust once there.

Too many whispers echoing to him.

Whispers that grew to screams.

As they passed through each of them back to him.

-o-

Then came the questions.

Why do they do that to each other?

Why do they do that to him, why do it at all?

Running to each other with rumours.

Gossip and misunderstandings?

-o-

Then again came the jealousy.

Jealousy that’s so rife and so sad.

Jealousy if you show fondness

Fondness to anyone other than them.

Jealousy that changes love to pain.

-o-

Then came the wounds.

That cut so deep into his heart.

How can he keep going?  Keep going on?

His resistance is weak, his hurting so strong?

He is drowning in disappointment

-o-

Then comes reality

Reality that says he has failed

They talk about history

The 6 years we have had.

6 years and still jealousy, God that is sad

-o-

Then comes the heartache

So deep and so true

The jealousy their feeling, their assigning to you!

This jealousy sad and so weak and so lame

But sadder is them thinking you’re feeling the same.

So here comes my question

-o-

What of our love?

The love held so deep, love from above?

When corrupted it hurts a hurt that’s so deep

Is Love gone now forever or still there to keep?

-o-

And now comes admission,

See I still feel that love

Can lose it, forget it, dump it at all?

It’s end I can’t start, for you are all part

A part of my loving a part of my heart.

-o-

See I know about value

See I know about cost

I know about pain where my life seems to be lost

I’m not walking away, or running you see

I am just sitting behind walls that I made for me

-o-

Made to protect me

Made wide and tall

An impregnable prison from this world o h so cruel

And it protect all around me protects you from me

As I drown in the midst of my own misery

-o-

So forgive me for hurting

And for feeling this pain

And don’t try to take on all of the blame

It ain’t you at fault so don’t take that on board

It’s me who has failed, me who is flawed

-o-

I wanted to teach, loving and care

But can’t see it not more, only seldom is it there

Just selfishness, jealousy, bitterness, pain

Don’t like it in the world

Don’t like is used in my name

-o-

So I am hiding, I need to

Can’t help it you see

I gotta stay sane gotta find me

gotta stay in my prison till it’s save to be free

but don’t tell me I don’t care or love you at all

it’s just love’s hard to show

from behind this my wall

-oOo-

© Kevin A. Deane

Please click on the arrow below to listen to this poem.

I wrote this one many many years ago now.  It was in response to a situation we expereinced then, possibly 12 or 13 years back.  Things drastically changed for the better immediately after this and ever since, but the lessons that can be learned from it are always relevant.

My Dearest Friend

My Dearest Friend

I met you and loved you
knew that with you I’d stay.
A bright new tomorrow,
came with each passing day.

I held and caressed you,
each time we were near.
but that this just distressed you
soon became clear.

I just couldn’t see it,
tried to understand.
Why you pulled away
from the touch of my hand

I kissed with passion,
you kissed with pain.
I touched with loving,
but you felt with shame.

I thought of the future
of a love that would last.
Your mind went hurtling
to the pain of the past.

then one day you told me
of that so dreadful deed.
when one man answered
his own sexual greed.

A stabbing sensation,
shot through my heart and my mind.
How was I so thoughtless?
how was I so blind?

With tears in our eyes,
by each other we knelt,
and I tasted a piece
of all the pain that you felt.

And that’s when you gave me
the purest true gift.
You shared in that moment,
all the pain that you’ve lived.

And with each fallen tear
as together we cried,
I just couldn’t help
my heart from filling with pride.

not for myself
nor for the moment we shared.
But for the person you are
and the fact that you cared.

Cared for our loving,
our today and tomorrow
So much you were willing
to re-live such sorrow.

I have no magic wand,
nor spell I could cast,
to help you forget
all the pain of the past.

But one thing I have
that will never end.
the truth of your being
my own dearest friend

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

This poem is one I wrote for my dear wife. It speaks of a moment that we shared together.

Mother

Mother

From the day you gave me life.
You’ve helped me with my every strife.
When a problems brought me down,
your brought a smile to loose my frown.

When I was ill and feeling blue
You’re the one who nursed me through.
When in trouble or in doubt
You’re the one who’s helped me out.

Now I’m wiser I have grown
so you will never be alone.
If an answers what you lack
I can start to pay you back.

For all the help you’ve given me,
never costing always free.
This poem’s thanks, they are true.
and are written now, from me to you.

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

I think this one speaks for itself

Jeremy

Jeremy

When I look at you son
I see the beauty that’s within
through the colour of your eyes
not the colour of your skin

I see the loneliness that’s there
and the sadness running wild
I see a small boy feeling lost
as I think of you my child.

And the past that has been
and the things that were done
I can’t take from you child
I can’t take from you son

But I can hold you in my arms
and I can hold you in my heart
I can tell you through our love
that we will never part

So don’t think of the shades
of our skin or our race
just think of the love
that is written on my face.

And you’ll know here and now
that I’m loving you my boy
the differences are small
and the biggest thing is joy

And I tell you my child
of the love you have won
you have gained all my heart
and you truly are my son

And as we grow more in love
as we’re together through the years
I will love you though my joy
I will love you through my tears

And I tell you my child
of the love you have won
you have gained all my heart
and you truly are my son

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

Over the years I have been so blessed to have met and grown to love so many wonderful folk of all ages. Many have become family to me. Jeremy is one such person, young, sad, of mixed race and extremely mindful of this, he was rejected by his parents and was so very sad. I wrote this poem for him.

From sheep to Shepherd

From sheep to shepherd

“Bah, Bah, Black sheep,
will you give me all?”

“Yes Sir, Yes Sir,
three lots full.

One for the Father,
for the spirit the same.
And one for the little boy,
Christ Jesus is His name.”

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

I sat thinking about children’s nursery rhymes, not sure what got me to thinking about them probably I had just been reading some to my son, but then I thought about the Christian message and so I came up with this one.

Casually Laid

Casually Laid

You used me then went,
Like so many before.
The women you used.
the burden, I bore.

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

I was sat on a bus one day and two young girls got on the bus and came and sat in the seat before me. The bus was quiet and they were I have to say a just a little loud. Their conversation was one of sadness and worry as one of these young girls – early teens in my estimation – was pregnant.

She had met a boy and thought he loved her. He had sold her the world and she had bought it and then once he had managed to bed her, he dumped her. And now she was left pregnant and worried facing huge life changes. This poetic thought came to me whilst sitting there on that bus waiting for my stop.

A Poem For Who?

A Poem For Who

To leave your family way behind,
to start your life anew.
To try to gain some peace of mind.
This poem’s based on you.

You simply won’t be trodden down
as if put upon some shelf.
You’re looking for some reasoning,
you’re searching for yourself.

Have you found that independence
you’ve searched from home so far.
If the answers deep within you
is the question who you are?

I know that you’ve been searching.
I know you’ve made a start.
Don’t look within your friends, my friend.
Just look within your heart.

You’ve asked before, “Who am I”
Well this is wrong you see.
You are simply, who you are.
Try this, “Who could I be?”

Be content to be yourself.
Don’t dwell on doom and gloom.
But be happy asking,
Lord, for improvement is there room?

© Kevin A. Deane

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

This one I wrote for Tracy – A young lass I knew many moons ago – she used to come visit me. We used to talk about lots of things one of which being her wanting to move out of her family home. I never really could work out her reasoning.

A Child’s Prayer

A Child's Prayer

Johnny was an infant,
a single lonely lad.
Johnny knew no happiness,
he was nearly always sad.

He’d lay upon his bed at night
and listen to his parents fight.
Often he would lay and cry
and wish that he could fall and die.

Then his father went away
and with his mother he would stay,
He thought within a sorry state
from his Pa to him was there only hate?

The clock of life it still ticked on
but slower now his Pa had gone.
His heart and soul would wear a crack
until the day his Pa came back.

His seventh birthday, just as he ought.
A present for him his Pa had brought.
His parents eyes they met because
of the thought of love that was.

Was there a rekindling of that flame?
Did a spark of love remain?
Soon after Johnny had gone to bed,
they both crept in to kiss his head.

Into his bedroom they both crept,
not to wake him as he slept.
But they both paused beside the door,
their son was knelt upon the floor.

Yes kneeling down, beside his bed.
His hands before his lowered head.
They couldn’t turn and creep away,
the had to stop and hear him pray.

“Oh God above, I know not where.
Hear me as I make my prayer.
Long ago Pa went away,
but thanks to you he’s back today.

But Lord your job, just ain’t not done.
I want them always to be as one.
Together we’re a family.
Ma and Pa and little me.

They love each other, this you know.
but some how this they cannot show.
Oh Lord, my prayer’s a simple one.
Forgive them Lord, they’re only young.

Lord, please stop my life of misery.
Help us be a family,
And Lord please show your love for them.
Thank you Lord, and oh, Amen.”

His parents eyes they met a while.
and amidst their tears they both did smile.
We’d forgive the Lord for feeling smug,
as they gave each other a loving hug.

Then to his parents did Johnny run.
He praised the Lord, His job was done.
His heart and soul now are cured.
The three are one so praise the Lord!

© Kevin A Deane.

To listen to this poem please click on the arrow below.

I wrote this poem many years ago now. Maybe you shed a tear whilst reading it. Don’t worry I shed bucket loads whilst writing it. In truth this is not my own story, like so many of my poems this is one about someone else. Sadly the story of marital breakup is far too common but at least for Johnny there was a happy ending.